As you know, a number of Academy Awards are not camera-worthy and don't make it to the Oscar show. Your intrepid reporter has ferreted some out, for your enjoyment:
Best crustacean in a comedy bit: Tie between the crab reaching out from the soup and latching onto Curly's nose, and Woody Allen chasing the lobster around the kitchen.
Best apple: The Honeycrisp
Best sauce: Argentina's second greatest contribution to the world, after the tango: chimichurri
Best celebrity bottom: Jennifer Anniston
Best breakfast place in the world: Jeannine's, Santa Barbara and Montecito
Funkiest coffeehouse: Java Station, Santa Barbara
Best, and funkiest, movie theater: the West Shore, New Cumberland, 70 years old next year
Worst idea, like, ever: deregulation
Best axes: classic Fenders, of course
Lifetime achievement award: writer Wendell Berry
You heard it here.